My husband has a really bad habit of buying something because it’s a good deal, even if it’s not exactly what he wants. He then spends an exorbitant amount of time and money trying to make it into whatever it was he really, truly wanted. The problem with this scenario is that it always ends up costing more than if he’d just bought what he wanted, and leaves him disillusioned and resentful.

We do it all the time in our society. We nickel and dime on things and then end up with remorse later. Example, lunasdad has a friend who really wanted a sports car. He was going through all the right channels to buy one he wanted for the lowest cost, but became impatient at the amount of time it was taking. Instead of waiting for just what he wanted in the condition he wanted, he bought the next car that became available. He then almost immediately suffered buyer’s remorse. He decided a week later to sell the car. He wanted to make a profit so chose to change the tires on the car. However, instead of going to the dealership to ensure that he would have guaranteed work, he decided to pay cash under the table to have a cheap tire shop put new tires on his rims. The tire shop was inexperienced and ended up destroying the rims while trying to get the tires on and off. Because he nickel and dimed, and paid under the table, he had no recourse other than to pay out of pocket to replace the rims and then have to have the tires installed at the dealer anyway.

You get what you pay for so buy exactly what you want.

We do this with houses, with cars, with groceries, and even in relationships. How many young people have I met who sell themselves short and settle for a partner who is flawed? Men and women are not fixer uppers! Never bank on fixing or changing your partner. “Perfect but…” does not equal perfect. “Perfect but…” means imperfect! Opt out of the fixer-upper relationships. Opt instead for exactly what you want; be discriminating and don’t waste your precious resources in an emotional money-pit.

We worry that we will be alone or that once-in-a-lifetime opportunities will pass us by. My feeling on this is that generally speaking, with patience and time, there is really no such thing as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Most purchases can wait. Most deals can be improved upon. That house on the market that is dirt cheap is dirt cheap for a reason—the thousands of dollars you have to sink into it, not to mention the time, effort, frustration, and discomfort of remodeling, in order to make it livable. Keep looking. You will find a better place with less work or you will be in a better financial position to afford something a little nicer. You will not be improved by buying a house you come to hate.

It’s the same with people. Wait to find the person who will treat you right and accept you and love you for yourself. Don’t try to change yourself to meet an unreasonable expectation and don’t hold unrealistic expectations of change for your partners. If you cannot love and accept in as-is condition, move on.