Are you defined by what you lack or by what you have?

In an economy that continues it’s journey up Shit’s Creek with no paddle in sight; in a country that values consumerism and capitalism as fundamental pillars of society; among people who define success according to wealth and status, it’s no wonder a lot of people are depressed. We often define ourselves, or allow others to define us, by the things we lack. We often take what we have for granted.

We live in a society where no one is ever contented, no one is ever satisfied. We are always striving to achieve something more, bigger, better, faster, greater than what we have already achieved; we define success according to an arbitrary one-size-fits-all yardstick.

What about alternative pathways to success? Why can’t we take this challenging time in history to redefine success?

• What makes you happy?
• What makes you content?
• How did you help someone else today? This month? This year? In your lifetime?
• What can you do for your community/a loved one/a friend/a stranger to make a difference in their life right now?
• How are you successful in your daily life? How do you define success?

For me, redefining success is at the core of the revitalization of my spirit and my emergence as a confident and high-functioning leader, friend, wife, employee, neighbor, and volunteer. I cannot measure myself against someone else’s yardstick. The times in my life where I have felt the sting of failure are the times in my life where I worked to make someone other than myself happy. I spent a very long time trying to live up to someone else’s one-size-fits-none expectations. All I accomplished was self-sabotage and misery.

I am intelligent according to all the ways that society measures it, but I am also emotionally volatile, sensory defensive, and prone to breakdowns in functioning. I am high-functioning but always relative to my bipolar disorder—I function at a high level for someone who has severe challenges to stability and productivity. I don’t have “normal” productivity; there is significant MacGyvering of my routines and activities to produce socially acceptable end results.

There have been long stretches of my life that other people would consider failure. For example, I’ve spent 13 years, off and on, working on a bachelor’s degree and I am only halfway through it. To me, that’s a success. To hit this milestone, despite all the adversity I have faced in my life, is a joy. I don’t consider it a failure that I haven’t gotten my degree yet, no matter what anyone else thinks. I am defining myself by what I have achieved—by what I have and not by what I lack. I continue to persevere and that is a success in and of itself.

There is no one-size-fits-all measure of success. We have to reject the idea of it. We must all decide for ourselves how to define personal success and work for satisfaction and contentment and happiness in our lives according to our own personal yardsticks. We must manage our own expectations and not the expectations of other people (within a construct of a social contract, to ensure that what we do for ourselves does not harm others).

If we can do these things, we can be free and truly successful.