Not in my top ten list of things I want to discuss loudly while on the pot in a crowded tourist bathroom:

“What is that thing with the blue string?”

“That’s a complicated question. Can we talk about it later?”

“What is this box on the wall?”

“It’s a little garbage can.”

“What is it for?”

“Garbage.”

“What is that?”

“Can I have some privacy please??”

“Priiiiiivacy?”

“Yes, you know what that is. Can you turn around and give me a minute please??”

“Awwwww.”

“Look at the wall! Seriously!”

*crash*

“Oh for crying out loud, N. You have to be more careful.”

“Sorryyyyyy. I didn’t know the garbage could come off.”

“bloody hell. It’s fine, PLEASE don’t knock it off the wall again.”

“What are you putting in the garbage?”

“WALL!”

“Aww man.”

“STOP PEEKING!!! UGH! Where is your daddy when I need him?!”

etc. etc.

Yesterday I encountered one of my first real mothering dilemmas and I am not sure I have it fully resolved yet. I have sons. Obviously, we do not have the same reproductive anatomy and to date, this has never been more than an issue of passing curiosity and the occasional “boobies *giggle*.” I have always felt comfortable wandering around naked, showering, and taking a pee in front of my kids because they were simply too young to care (though the occasional “your tummy’s silly” comment did kind of get under my skin).

It was important to me that my children understand the human body as more than an object to ogle for sexual purposes. I had propriety, modesty, and sexual taboo hammered into me so thoroughly as a kid that I was sexually dysfunctional for a long time and associated all forms of touch with sex. I did not want that for my kids, I wanted them to see the human body as an amazing, versatile thing. To understand it’s form and functions. To see breasts as capable of nursing young. To respect it and feel no shame about it. I especially wanted them to be comfortable with speaking up when something might need medical attention.

Yesterday it became apparent that I am going to soon have some problems with the bathroom sharing aspect. My oldest son is of an age to notice more than I am comfortable sharing in public. Not so much at home; my son is of an age where he has learned to knock before entering the bathroom and respect my wish not to want to share my toilet time. He is starting to grasp the idea of privacy, as he asks for it for himself. Also, having a discussion about bodily functions at home is not a big deal to me. If he’d asked me about sanitary napkins and tampons at home, I could have tried to explain it to him in an age-appropriate way. I do not, however, think that’s a good topic for discussion in a crowded public restroom!

When I have been out and about with my boys and had to stop to use a toilet, I have always taken them with me. I feel uncomfortable sending a child into a public restroom alone or having him wait outside of it while I go alone. If lunasdad is with me, crisis is solved, he can take the tank with HIM to the toilet. But lunasdad is going to spend most of the next 6-9 months 1000 miles away. What do I do if I have both boys at the diner and they or I need to go? Is five really old enough to go to a public restroom alone? I feel, in my heart, that the answer is NO, he is a young five and too trusting to be at a urinal with the big boys.

I feel totally unequipped to cope with this. My need for privacy is warring with my need for my child’s security. I am guessing that the best thing I can do right now is set some boundaries with the tank before we go into the restroom. I can explain that he has to come with me, for his own safety and my peace of mind, but that I would like some privacy. Maybe I can ask him to read a book while I use the facilities; I don’t want to ask him to look at the wall and feel punished. Maybe if we decide beforehand that that is what he will do, and why, then it won’t feel that way to him or to me.

Why can’t things stay simple? Why do our babies have to grow up?

*sigh*