The last month or so, I have basically been underwater. In addition to work, school, pets, kids,  enduring the absence of my husband, finishing out the church school year, choir, and trying out a new extracurricular activity (soccer), I also have weathered a few health issues, including chronic back pain due (apparently and surprisingly) to mild scoliosis, “benign labyrinthitis” which I can tell you does not feel at ALL benign, a really stubborn tooth that has me scheduled for my FOURTH root canal tomorrow, and, of course, my ever present friend, depression.

I haven’t felt up to writing because I can barely breathe or turn around from the stress. It’s like a weight tied to my ankles every time I try to come up for air. After several meetings with my therapist, a week where I fell off her radar (and where she faithfully tracked me down to find out why I went AWOL and if i was ok), I critically reassessed my priorities and the factors of my stress that were under my own control.

What’s new with me:

I have taken a leave of absence from school (again *sigh*). I go back at the end of August. I have also submitted a request to change my degree plan from a Bachelor’s degree to an Associate’s degree. I need two classes to complete an Associate’s degree and I felt it was a better strategy to hit that milestone and take a break than to break my neck for the next four years taking one class at a time without coming up for air.

There is no summer or winter vacation in online school so my best options involved a shifting of my SMART goals. I decided to add the Associate’s as a short-term goal, tackling my schooling in stages. The Bachelor’s degree is a long-term goal and after the Associate’s is complete, I can reassess what I want to study and where I want to study it, as well as how I want to study. I can also take as long a break as I want.

This change in strategy reduces a huge pressure in my head to achieve a goal that is incompatible with other priorities in my life. With my husband away, my priorities have shifted away from professional goals to family goals and this change in strategy means more energy and focus for my kids. Without this pressure, I don’t have to put my children off because I am busy, or become frantic with stress and anxiety about deadlines when I take time to do something other than study.

I hope this change adds balance back to my life. Other changes include the winding down of the choir season for the summer, the end of Sunday school teaching duties (though I still have to make a decision as to whether I can manage to teach again in the fall), the end of my son’s first year of elementary school, and the end of his soccer season.

I had also joined a soccer league but quickly experienced two disappointments. The first was the fact that the team was overbooked on players—the roster accommodates 14 players, but 25 showed. I was basically uninvited to participate as a team player, but thrown a bone to attend practices if I wanted. The disappointment and embarrassment have caused me to pause and reconsider my commitment to play with this league.

All of the drama is eclipsed by the second disappointment—after the last practice I did attend, I strained or tore just about every ligament and tendon in both ankles and have been hobbling around in pain for two weeks. With the busted ankles, I am also experiencing burning pain in my feet, a clearly busted back, and facing an orthopedist. I’m physically out of commission so I need make no decisions right now anyway.

All of these roadblocks have conspired to keep me away from my writing, though I am hoping that now that I have some resolution to the issues, I will be back to regularly contiributing.